On the road again

I am off to seek my destiny one more time.  Tomorrow I hit the road and hopefully at the end of this yellow brick road will be my Oz.  I've been on the road for a long time and I think Nashville has been a way-station.  I cannot foresee myself living here the rest of my days.  It is too hot.  Too sticky.  Landlocked.  Too cold in the winter.  A lack of connection and intimacy if you are not "from here" but to be fair, part of it is what we have become as a people...busy, busy, busy.   Too busy to connect, too busy to answer our phones, too busy to RSVP and when we do, it's always tentative - I think I can make it, but something may come up that causes me not to show.

My birthday was an example of that.  Three people who RSVP'ed "yes", didn't show.  Correction:  one called to cancel, one showed up as we were leaving and one never showed up, nor called, texted, emailed - not even a smoke signal with her excuse/regrets/explanation.  Two days later when I ran into her, she told me she had to go to an emergency home owner's meeting.  I asked her if they called the meeting at 6:30 that night?  Confused, she said no, why?  Because I can't understand why you couldn't even TEXT me that you weren't coming.  Anyway, y'all get my drift, right?  Not only have we lost the ability to connect, but what used to pass for basic manners - letting someone know you could not keep a commitment, has gone by the wayside as well.  Apparently, it is okay to "no show" as long as you tell the person later why you were MIA....(as we sat waiting in the restaurant)....

So.  Where was I?  Ah yes, Nashville.  Not for me, I know.  I need to be near the ocean.  I need to be able to sit on a beach and listen to the surf and ponder my life and mysteries and beauty and see light sparkle off the water.  I need to sit on the beach and talk to Charles....he's in the water, part of the sea now, I miss my talks with him and after he died, my talks with his spirit.  Tonight, I miss my talks with him when he was alive....I would be twirling about something, big or small, it didn't matter and he would talk me off the ledge, calm me down, soothe me.  He restored my faith and my confidence in myself and my destiny.  He always knew that good things were mine - I just had to declare it.  And so here I am, under a full moon, my moon - I'm a Cancer - declaring it.  The job is mine.  It will be exactly what I am looking for and I will be exactly what they are looking for. The serendipity of how it unfolded will amaze me.  And then I will find my perfect house.  I am looking at two and I know one of them is going to be perfect for me, Blue and Pink...and I feel the hand of God in it all.  I know Charles is up in the stars, selling it all to God.
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Whenever I see a penny or a coin on the ground, I pick it up.  After Charles died, I saw them everywhere and I still do so I have come to think of those pennies as Charles way of communicating with me - especially in times of decision or stress and they remind to live fearlessly and with passion and gratitude.  It may seem that I have overcome many trials in my life, but the truth is, I have nothing to compare my life to.  My life is my life.  It's good and bad.  Sad, tragic, amazing and beautiful. Passionate in all it's phases.  Is it what I would design for myself? Probably not, I'd change a few things - but still, sometimes I watch myself from afar and I am pretty impressed.  Mostly, I am excited for the future.  I know there are a lot of promises waiting to be unwrapped and that my best days are still ahead of me.  I am scared shitless, but I am more scared of letting my fear stop me.  So, I won't.  In the morning, I'll get in the car with the dogs, drive for 12 hours and arrive at my destiny....my new life, my new home, my new job.  It's all there, but I am bringing the most important thing - me.

So wish me luck, include me in your prayers if that's your thing, otherwise wish me well and hold me in thought.  I will keep you updated.  Here I go!!!