Boston Day 2

Wow, what a trip down memory lane!  My feelings about this city are so positive and strong.  The friends I made here 25 years ago are still so important to me and we still share a bond unlike most others that we created at other times in our lives - before and since.  Last night we looked at photos from over 20 years ago, and it was funny how much we remembered - all the people, the places, whose house a particular party was at, what beach we were at, which bar this was.  We remembered which few had cars, and the make, model and color of those cars.  We were young and happy...nothing really bad had happened to most of us yet.  We were certainly naive about adulthood.  Most of us were in our early to mid-twenties and when we looked at the pics, it seemed to us today that we were even younger than that.  We looked like we were in high school and I think we acted like it too.

There were three core groups of about 10 people each and there was always some combination of the three present at any time that seemed to work.  We all worked at Boston University.  I was the executive secretary for the Computer Science Department and almost everyone else worked in the IT Department next to the CS Department.  My first friend at BU, Mary introduced me to all the IT guys.  I was fresh off the boat from Texas, with big, bleached, teased hair and lots of makeup.  I had a southern drawl, I was loud and bawdy and I am certain they had never seen the likes of me before.

I loved these guys immediately.  They were smart, nerdy and funny.  They drank like fish and lived large everyday.  They talked about hardware and software and cabling and most of the time I had no idea what they were saying but I didn't care.  It was a huge change from my last gig as the girlfriend of a college football player and it worked for me.  They accepted me - whom they viewed as their token, somewhat tarnished Texas beauty queen, and I never looked back.

Every night, there was something to do. Most of it involved drinking; that was back when drinking pretty much still worked for me.  A lot of it involved sports - BU had a great intramural program and soon I was playing softball, volleyball, whatever sport was going on at the time.  I remember we signed up for a co-ed basketball team, so our "coach" Ram (an IT guy but a total jock) had the three women on the team practice together and he made us run up and down the court about two times.  When we got back to the starting basket, we all looked at each other - huffing and puffing, sweaty and to a women we were like - "ah yeah - basketball?  No thanks!"  Basketball required a much higher expenditure of energy than we were willing to give.  Plus, I don't look good in dripping, smeared mascara.

We spent nights at the Dugout mostly - a dingy, dark, dank bar on Comm Ave. a half block up from the building where we all worked.  It was a basement level establishment, so you walked down stairs to enter and the windows were small, dirty and half sized; it was always dark in the Dugout.  The were old tables and chairs, aluminum ashtrays on the tables, the floors were always sticky with spilled booze; the Dugout smelled like mold, old beer, and cigarette smoke.  There was a cigarette machine in the corner and an old black and white TV above the bar.  There was no A/C and I had to be really drunk and desperate to use the ladies room.  If "Cheers" was the TV version of the local Boston bar where "everybody knows your name", the Dugout was much closer to the real thing.  I loved the Dugout.  It attracted a mix of college and grad students, faculty and staff and also a few locals.  As an alcoholic, I always made it my business to know the bartender and even if I went in alone there was a good chance someone I knew would be there or was sure to show up soon after.

If we weren't at the Dugout, it was any number of other bars and restaurants, but we were loud, obnoxious and oblivious to societal rules of politeness and decorum, so not many places would have us.  In our defense, we were good customers - we drank a lot and tipped a lot too.  I distinctly remember a pattern of having a beer and then a shot of Jack and then doing it again. And again. This what how our night evolved.  The end of the evening found the remaining handful of hardcore drinkers sitting at the bar getting as smashed as we could without passing out.  When you take public transportation, you can drink like this all the time.  Did I mention how much I loved it?

There were road trips south to the Cape for beach volleyball tournaments and road trips north to the beach at Newburyport with beer and clam chowder after.  There was cycling and climbing.  There were the Sunday afternoon softball games.  There was Mustang Island and ski trips to New Hampshire and Vermont.  And always the drinking.  It was the last time in my life that I would drink and still enjoy it, but it was also the place where my drinking finally took a hard left turn and went against me.  Mostly, I remember the laughter and the easy way we all fit together. Pam, Mary, Eap, Jason, Gordon, Wally, John, Elvis, Sue, Kat, Chuck, Vern, Ram, Spike, Jim, Bill...and more, some I remember well, a few vaguely.  I never really worried about getting too drunk and putting myself in a dangerous spot because one of the guys was always there to make sure I got home safely.  I was never alone and there was always something to do.  I think it was the first time in my life that I felt like I fit in, that I belonged to a group and I didn't have to hide who I was or pretend to be someone I wasn't.  When "When Harry Met Sally" came out, about seven or eight of us went to see it. When the movie was over, I couldn't stop gushing - I loved it.  Of course you loved it, they said.  It was about you!  You are the Sally character - you think you're low maintenance, but you're really high maintenance....I took that as a compliment because it was a compliment.  They didn't tease me out of malice - they teased me because they loved me - high maintenance or not. I loved being their odd, slightly crazy, Southern girl.

We were invincible and the world was still our oyster.  I never laughed harder and I never felt more connected to a group of people than I did when I lived here.  They were the first people to teach me about unconditional love and they lived it every day, but not in a way that was obvious and certainly no one ever mentioned the word 'love'.  No one backstabbed and there was no gossip really - if someone had a problem with you, they'd just say it to your face, be done with it and move on to the next beer.  We were a family of sorts - misfits, oddballs and nerds - I have never known such an incredible group of people since.  It was a magical time and as my trip goes on and I get to re-connect with these old friends, I am struck by how important they still are to me and what a special place they hold in my heart.  They bestowed upon me the gift of self-acceptance and I don't think they will ever know how much they gave me and how much they helped to make me the woman I am today.  I am so glad to be here.